What is Self-Love and why does it matter for couples? Self-love means connecting with the energy of unconditional love in your heart, and allowing it to flow into yourself. The love that you know how to give to another, that embraces, admires and respects the other, you turn it towards yourself and you let it land.
Self-love means unconditional self-love. It means that you offer love to the totality of yourself. You love your light gifts and talents, your joy, your pleasure, your brilliance … AND you love your shadow – your fear, your anxiety, your insecurity, all of it. When I first encountered these teachings I thought, why on earth would I love my so called “negative” qualities? They were the ones I wanted to fix or change or make them go away in some way. The answer is because they are part of me, and therefore they are worthy of my love. Simple as that.
The question became: Why love 50% of yourself when you can love 100% of yourself?
Self-love means loving all of it, the good, bad and the ugly. As if you were your own child, you love the smiles and you love the tantrums. This is about tenacity. It’s about being willing to stick to your conviction to love yourself, whatever storms are blowing, and however your partner is relating to you.
1. Breathwork Practice: Pelvic Breathing
Lie on your back. Open your mouth with a wide relaxed jaw, and breathe in and out. Follow your awareness and breath in all the way to your pussy or cock. Use “connected breathing” which means that after you inhale, do not pause, continue with your exhalation, and again inhale without a pause. As you do pussy and cock breathing your body may start to move in organic ways, which including pelvic rocking, bouncing, or shaking. Keep breathing and welcoming everything you feel.
2. Embodiment Practice: Hold with Love
Part 1: Hold Yourself
Sit comfortably. Close your eyes. Wrap your arms around yourself in a hug. Imagine enveloping yourself in your own love. Visualize your love coming from your heart, the part that loves and accepts all, and streaming out to fill every cell of your body.
First imagine all the parts of yourself that are easy to love. The parts you are proud of, like your confidence, intelligence, skills in cooking, or anything. Send love to all those parts.
Then imagine all the parts of yourself that you may not typically love, like your anger, your frustration, your laziness, etc. Send love to all those parts too.
Express to those parts, “I love you. I love you simply because you are part of me. That is enough.”
Now imagine all sides of you being engulfed in your love. Imagine that love swirling around you like a wave. You are taken over by your self-love. Your doubt, your insecurities, your fear are all included in this ocean of love. You are filled up to the brim. You are over-flowing with so much self-love. You are high on your self-love, like an eagle, flying unhindered. Every breath you take is a breath of self-love.
Part 2 – Hold Each Other with Love
In this practice you synchronize hugging and breathing. As you have held yourselves, now you hold each other in a warm embrace. Sitting in the yabyam position, or anyway you feel comfortable, really drop in to each other. Let go into each other more deeply than an average hug. Breathe in together, and breathe out together.
Imagine your self-love as a glowing light from within. Imagine the same for your partner. Imagine the two lights merging into an even bigger light. Hold Each Other in Love.
Do this for 2 minutes or as long as you like.
3. Intention Setting
For example:
It’s from my solid foundation of unconditional self-love that I love you.
It’s from my overflowing cup of love, attention and care I give myself, that I love you.
From my solid foundation of unconditional self-love, I am available to love you.
4. Integration: How was this for you?